Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
