Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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