please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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