I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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