me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
