Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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