Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
