I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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