You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
