he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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