butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
