You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
