I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
