"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
