Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
