Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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