Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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