Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
