You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
