What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
