There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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