In America we eat man semen.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
