I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
