Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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