We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
