Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
