I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
