I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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