Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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