they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
