and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
