I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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