I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
