he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
