You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
