god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
