Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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