I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
