You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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