dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Terrible idea I love it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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