Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
