Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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