My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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