and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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