I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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