That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
