whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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