Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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