my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
