Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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