I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
