Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
