her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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